This turned out to be the repository of many of the random jokes and sketches that pretty much wouldn't fit in anywhere else. However, this is not by any means a bad thing....
Credits (selected roles):
Pat (News Anchor #1): Claire
Pat (News Anchor #2): Lindsay
Pat (Correspondent in the Field): Katie
Pat (the Genial Weatherman): Keith
Madame Sayreal: Katie
Plants' Rights Protester #2: Megan
The Script:
Highlights:
Page 1 -- the beginning of filming, including the soap opera and the fiasco involved in getting the Enterprise to fly
Page 2 -- the Pope Tarts commercial and miscellaneous
Page 3 -- the war protesters (or peace protesters, whichever you prefer) and other loonies
Page 4 -- more miscellany
Sound Clips:
Say hello to Mr. Fish, Mr. Moo-Moo. Hello Mr. Fish. Hello Moo-Moo. -- Katie ad-libbing during the "how to get rid of phone sales people" segment.
Buffington's "this is just the sort of thing" speech. -- representative of all of Buffington's appearances
The Pope Tart song -- To the tune of the Popeye song.
What do you name a dead chicken? -- Ad-libbed conversation from the Forger's Instant Cappuccino commercial.
All we are saying is give war a chance. -- Claire and Lindsay (who is waaay off-key and knows it only too well) singing as war protesters.
You people have got to stop eating plants! -- The first half of Megan's plants' rights tirade.
Be free my friend, free! Born free... -- The second half of Megan's tirade, the half involving the singing of "Born Free."
Bonus Audio Blooper!
...just acting would be sufficient! -- Everyone coaches Keith on how to overact (or just act) during the "soap opera" scene. "Just acting would be sufficient" became a favorite catch phrase in short order.
Annecdotes, Etc.:
Not Quite Dead Yet at Five
Keith:
For most of the time I was in this one, I was infected with Malaria, Ebloa, Scurvy and the Bubonic Plague, or perhaps just a common cold. Now usually I consider being diseased a gift, a unique opportunity to pass on your pestilence to your enemies, but there were no potential targets present, so I was very put out at the saddening waste of billions of cute little infectious microbes. But I digress, anyway, I kept having to ensure people that I wasn't dead, (which happens quite frequently because the way I just sit there, you'd never know) particularly Megan (thanks for asking) and either her parents or Lisa's, I can't recall right now, mabye both (which was very nice of them, and if they're wondering, I'm still not dead), but that isn't really important now is it. But the point to this is...er, um...okay, well I guess there is no real point in this now. Bet you're pretty sorry you wasted your time reading this now, ha ha, that's another irreplaceable 40 seconds of your life I've wasted. Of course if you're reading this and you're not one of the GDIs, then you've probably already wasted a considerable ammount of your life just finding this obscure little corrner of the internet, and wasted another 10-20 centuries (oops, I mean minutes) waiting for Geocities to load this, that is if Geocities didn't manage to totally crash your browser first.
The Pope Does McDonald's
Megan:
As anyone knows, a staple of teenage life is fast food, specifically McDonald's (or Taco Bell, but we're not going to get into that, and besides, we didn't have a Taco Bell as close as McDonald's back then. McDonald's is pervasive, as anyone who has ever driven on an interstate knows). It's also a staple of the movie industry (Steven Spielberg regularly has Big Mac Attacks, did you know that?). So, of course, we felt obligated to break for lunch at that bastion of cholesterol and little tiny burgers, Micky D's. And it was on the way from Lisa's to Lindsay's, too.
Unfortunately, we were all still in full costume from filming the Pope Tarts commercial...but who is going to take time to change clothes when the smell of greasy fries and mysterious chalky milkshakes is in the air? Besides, think about who we're talking about here. We COULD have just gone home for lunch, but where's the fun in that? If you have a major religious figure in the car, you want to show him/her/it (the whole gender confusion issue will be addressed at another time) off.
Okay, here's a good lesson for all you people out there who are actually reading this: taking a major religious figure to McDonald's in a conservative town like Naples is NOT as good an idea as you might initially think.
Nothing actually HAPPENED: we trooped in (as I recall, I was wearing a business suit, shades, and Spock ears, for some reason) in various states of disarray, with Lindsay dressed as His Holiness. We stood in line, got our nauseating greasy little lunches, and then packed back into the van (this was kind of like that circus act where sixteen clowns emerge from a Barbie car . . . there were a lot of us, and we're all fairly tall) and caravaned back to Lindsay's for the afternoon's shoot.
The LOOKS, however...yeeeowch. Most people appeared curious or amused, but a few...I fully expected to be chased by pitch-fork-wielding peasants. Not that that would actually STOP us, mind you....
This was the beginning of the whole "go to McDonald's in costume and freak people out" tradition. It's not difficult, especially in ol' Napoli....