In a bar. A person is sitting at the bar, wearing a black hat and a frown, tapping his fingers. The bartender enters wearing a fedora.
Drunk (looking at watch): What took you so long?
Bartender: I was out for a drink.
Drunk (puzzled): Uh...
Bartender: So, what’ll it be?
Drunk: Gimmie some of the clear stuff. With a twist.
Bartender: Coming up.
The drink arrives. A twistie is floating in the glass.
Drunk: What are you tying to do?! Kill me? You’re crazy! (disbelief) You’re trying to kill me.
Bartender: You asked for it.
Drunk (starts chewing on the twistie thoughtfully while the bartender wipes the counter): Oh well.
Bartender: So what’s your problem?
Drunk: Well...my flowers won’t grow.
Bartender: You come in here, you need a drink because of that?! You’re the crazy one!
Drunk: Hey! I loved my flowers! I never told anyone that, though, because they’d laugh.
Bartender: I’m laughing too.
Drunk: Well, it’s not easy, having your flowers not grow. (takes a drink) How about some Scotch on the rocks?
The drink arrives. Several rocks are sitting at the bottom of the glass.
Bartender: Here.
Drunk: You’re insane! I can’t drink that! Gimmie some more of the clear stuff.
Bartender: You drunks...
Drunk (snatching the drink): Gimmie! (forlorn) My poor flowers...
Bartender: You act like you just escaped from the institution.
Drunk: Hey! I didn’t escape! They let me out! I was in there for singing. You wanna hear what I sang?
Bartender: If it’ll make you happy...
The drunk climbs on top of the bar and does a chorus line style rendition of "America the Beautiful."
Drunk (clumbing off the bar): Now why would they put me in the institute for that? I’m not crazy!
Bartender (sarcastic): Oh, no, not at all.
Drunk (grabbing the bartender by the tie): Are you mocking me? Are you mocking me?!
Bartender: I’m not mocking you--oh yes I am! (leaning farther across the bar with each "I’m mocking you") I’m mocking you, I’m mocking you, I’m mocking you!
Drunk: You fool! You fool to mock me!
The drunk snatches up his "clear stuff" and tosses it on the bartender and storms out. The bartender recovers, wrings out his tie and starts to wipe off the counter. He notices some money on the bar and picks it up.
Bartender: At least I got paid.
The bartender exits.