Title: HOW TO TAKE THE SAT
NARRATOR: You may have heard that the SAT can be pretty hard, but with this helpful video we'll show you how to take the test in the most efficient, educational way possible.
Title: STEP ONE: APPLYING
NARRATOR: Step One: Applying.
STUDENT #1 sitting at a desk, looking at several official-looking pieces of paper. Close-up of the papers. Lots of blanks and bubbles to be filled in. STUDENT #1 is confused.
NARRATOR: In order to take the SAT, you must first fill out an application form. Sometimes you need a little help.
STUDENT #1 looks confused.
NARRATOR: If you're looking for assistance, your school's guidance counselor will be happy to help.
An office. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR sits at the desk. A name card reads "MRS. OMNSCIENT." She is wearing cheesy glasses, a strange dress and has messy gray hair. She looks up from reading a magazine.
NARRATOR: Your guidance counselor can make the sign-up process much less confusing.
STUDENT #1 enters and holds out the SAT papers. She takes them officiously, glances over them, and begins filling them out quickly, gesturing at the student in a pantomine of explaining. Cut to show what she is writing. Lots of scribbles, and some of the bubbles have been filled in to make strange patterns, such as a smiley face. Cut to wide shot as the student gets the papers back and leaves. Title: STEP TWO: PREPARING
NARRATOR: Step Two: Preparing.
STUDENT #1 is sitting in a chair, holding an extremely large book.
NARRATOR: Most experts recomment that you actually study in advance. But what fun is that? Study methods include the osmosis method . . .
STUDENT #1 holds the extremely large book to one side of her head with look of concentration, and then slowly lists to one side under the weight of the book, falling off the chair and out of the shot. Cut to a peaceful shot of STUDENT #2 sitting under a tree, crosslegged and "meditating." Soothing music.
NARRATOR: . . . the wholistic method . . .
STUDENT #3 is sitting in a library, a cup of coffee to one side and many open books and papers spread out before her. She is frantically flipping through the books and taking notes.
NARRATOR: . . . and of course, there's always the most popular method, cramming.
Title: STEP THREE: THE DAY OF THE TEST
NARRATOR: Step Three: The Day of the Test.
In a bedroom. Snores issue from the lump under the covers of the bed.
NARRATOR: Make sure you get a good night's sleep before the test. At least twenty minutes is recommenced.
A table loaded with breakfast foods: cereal, fruit, jelly, bagels, milk. A can of Spam sits prominently in front of the arrangement. A bag of Cheetos is leaning against the cereal.
NARRATOR: A healthy breakfast is also recommended.
A bleary-eyed STUDENT #3 pulls herself up from below the table and surveys the food. Everything but the milk and Cheetos is pushed away. The student pours some Cheetoes into a bowl, and pours milk onto them, then proceeds to eat. Cut to STUDENT #1 against a nondescript background.
NARRATOR: Be sure to bring proper identification with you to the test.
STUDENT #1 whips out a wallet and flips out a long Jacob's ladder-like string of ID cards. Cut to a door.
NARRATOR: And don't forget to bring plenty of Number 2 pencils.
The door bursts open and STUDENT #3 burst through, brandishing a pencil and wearing a machine gun magazine-style collection of pencils like a sash. Title: STEP FOUR: TAKING THE TEST
NARRATOR: Step Four: Taking the Test.
A group of students, STUDENT #1, STUDENT #3 and STUDENT #4 are milling around in a classroom. STUDENT #4 is the stereotypical "nerd." The camera picks out STUDENT #4.
NARRATOR: When in the testing room, it's best to sit next to someone who looks like this. Which brings us to . . .
Title: STEP FIVE: CHEATING
NARRATOR: Step Five: Cheating.
The classroom. The students are sitting with their tests in front of them.
NARRATOR: This is an example of the most traditional form of cheating.
STUDENT #1 peers at STUDENT #4's test.
NARRATOR: Here is a technique for the more abmitious cheater.
STUDENT #3 looks around, then lifts a stick with a mirror attached to one end out from under the desk. She holds it out to see the test of STUDENT #4, who is sitting in front of her.
NARRATOR: In case you're worrying, the proctor probably won't notice.
The students finish taking the test and pray.
NARRATOR: When you're finished taking the test, there's nothing that praying for divine intervention could hurt.
A lounge area. All of the students are seated, except maybe someone pacing. Only STUDENT #4 looks unworried.
NARRATOR: After taking the test, moments of anxiety may follow, but relax. Your test results will be back in three to five weeks. When you get them, take a deep breath: you did great!
Each student takes out an envlope and opens it, looking at the test results. STUDENT #4 looks smug and satisfied. The others are disappointed and upset. As STUDENT #4 walks off happily, the others look at each other conspiratorily. One procures a knife and, holding it menacingly, they stalk off in the direction STUDENT #4 went. Credits roll.
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